However, dealing with infertility is a battle. It seems like the better I get to any sort of normal composer...everyone gets pregnant!!! Its frustrating to see others experiencing something you desire in any subject matter.
I began my fertility journey a little over three years ago.I have PCOS. Infertility/fertility has always been the back burner of my mind. I often shifted my views to cover up my feelings." I'm not ready to have kids yet" WHATEVER. I have always been ready. Over time I would learn how to stay calm and composed, "its not big deal". I never wanted to be one of those frantic females staying up all night researching and doing hand stands after sex to get pregnant. I was going to get pregnant, surely, everyone said it would happen.....
I was completely full of shit. I researched to the end of Google and talked to everyone I could. I tried every little trick in the book. I became that obsessed infertile female.
I got pregnant. I was on cloud 9. I embraced each and every day. I was thankful for every day i woke up and felt my tummy.
The feeling last roughly 13 weeks.
Post pregnancy loss is by far the hardest event I lived through in my life. I cringe at the thought. I do not feel stronger. Everyday I had to fight to breathe. I dealt with a roller coaster of emotions *anger, sadness, resentment, self-loathing* and a few times I found myself mean mugging pregnant ladies I didn't know who were smoking or doing something I deemed unfit.
I even went a few months not being able to look at babies, or children of all ages for that fact. However I would run at the site of a newborn. The smaller...the scarier to me. Images would flash of my sweet Zechariah. I would see a delicious tiny hand and wonder what his would of looked like. A baby's giggle = a sword in my heart. I would decline to hold one if asked. In supermarkets I would go out of my way not to have to pass a women with a newbie. Do I dare go down the "baby isle" o no sweetie...not on your life! My local place has baby on one side and coffee down the other. Still to this day, whoever decided that is an evil sadistic twat.
Don't get me started on those adorable heart wrenching Huggies commercials.
Let me stay on tract.... You ever buy a new car and then notice OMG everyone has this car! Its like that except you don't have a car. Everywhere you go someone is driving your dream car.
The subject of miscarriage is still very taboo even tho its more frequently discussed. I have been asked why I talk about my miscarriage and people often look at me like I am telling old war stories. Its basically about honoring my child who changed my life. I speak of him because he was here. Hidden deep where he could hear my heart beat. For the 10% of American women living with this, we don't want you to walk on eggshells or even show us pity. We just ask that you understand our struggle. Everyday is a new challenge for us.
1. “Just relax!”
I believe this is a go to method for people to pacify us. I do not blame you because I am guilty of it myself. But lets face it, there is no medical proof that relaxing makes you more fertile. If that was the case a few glasses of wine is cheaper then IVF treatments. The "Just Relax" will not magically result in pregnancy and makes light of a serious medical problem. Not cool.
2. "Maybe you should just lose some/ gain weight"
Yes because looking at your body as an enemy is going to help. Seeing your body fail you month after month is continuously disappointing. If they are over or under weight they already know.
3. “Everything happens for a reason. or It’s God’s will.”
This process with challenge your faith in many ways. We don’t want you to try and convince us that this is all part of some grand plan (even if we believe it might be). I personally recommend not pointing out that they don't have any power in this. Again... we already know.
4. "Have you looked into adoption?"
Adoption may or may not be part of the family plan. Limit that talk. The drive to be pregnant is a biological one. Adoption has its own set of struggles. We may or may not be ready for that road.
As well people adopt because they love children. Its not this amazing problem solved back up plan.
5. "Have you tried...."
Yes we did. Yes we googled it. Yes... Yes... Yes...
I personally have learned how to deal with pregnancy announcements from friends and family. I can separate my happiness for you from the sadness for myself. Most times. We also deal with being a bad friend if we are not happy enough or don't like your face book post. We care. Its just hard. Sometimes we need to be sad. Its an emotion that will always be with us. I believe even if we do have a child, a part of us has changed greatly and will always recall it in our minds and hearts. Please do not feel guilty or feel the need to go out of your way to make us comfortable. Just be there and let us be.
